"Out of life's school of war-what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger," is a translated aphorism from German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche.
The paraphrased version (what doesn't kill you makes you stronger) has been used in songs, turned into book titles, and used to express resilience and overcoming life's adversities. But is it true?
I asked several family members and friends what they thought about this phrase...
"It's okay. I guess in the end it makes you stronger. It's kind of stupid though."
"I think it's bullshit! I think it's an excuse for people to do wrong, and then say going through it is just going to make you a better person."
"I don't think I 100% agree with that statement...I be needing way more than just going through something to get through it, if that makes sense..."
"I think it's a temporary mental fix. I think for a moment while going through it, telling yourself it's making you stronger helps keep you mentally afloat. But as time passes and you're out of the storm people or situations come about and reopen those wounds, the weakness will start to show."
"It's true to a certain degree. But at some point, you get tired of being strong."
"I hate it! Why does something that's hurting me have to be what makes me stronger?"
"I think it's true. I think everything is a teachable moment. The bigger the situation, the more you learn. Knowledge makes you stronger. Knowledge is power"
"Why does hearing a story about someone having to eat 'grass and dirt' have to be what empowers me? Yeah, they may have survived that, but that's really sad."
As for me, the things I have been through have made me wiser, more empathetic, and stronger? in some areas of my life.
Being a single mom has taught me that I am capable, resilient, and that God is SO GOOD; there were days I didn't think I was going to make it to see the next one. I have been in the "shoes" of other women (some men too) and can relate to their situations. I no longer feel guilty when I choose me; saying "no" has made me a different person.
But I am human, and some things have caused me to be less trusting, sensitized and desensitized, and at times angry.
The pain, trauma, and rejection I have experienced has left me a little guarded. I have often questioned my worth because of these life experiences; not as often as I used to, but the thoughts creep in every once in a while. (Does that make me weak?) I have questioned God; Heavenly Father, what is the reason??? (Because I really want to know the reason.)
Situations have been shocking, but I'm not surprised by a lot anymore. Sometimes I feel like I've been made tougher, not necessarily stronger.
None of what I have experienced has taken me out. I am able to share my stories. I am able to share the good and the not so good. I am thankful for the lessons learned. I strive to be the best person I can be. I aim to be better than I was the day before. I try to understand what other people may be facing. I try to be honest, but cautious with my words. However, that which did not destroy me has left me with scars, lasting memories, and it also kind of chipped away at my wholesomeness.
The phrase "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" may be meant as a means of encouragement and can be for some. I also think it can be dismissive of what some of us may be going through or have gone through. Just because we have survived it, does that mean we don't still feel the effects? Does that mean we have gained strength, or just the ability to endure, or are they one and the same? If we have been made stronger does that mean we don't get tired of always being strong?
Honestly, I don't know if what I've been through has made me stronger, or if I've just built up a tolerance for foolishness. I do know life isn't going to be all sunshine and rainbows. I know that I will continue to face challenges. I know that I will question my ability to get through them all. But I am confident that I will continue to walk on my water...maybe gaining strength along the way.
If you can relate, agree, disagree, or have a thought about the phrase leave a comment below.
*Let us show more sympathy and empathy towards one another. What may be small to you may be the biggest thing someone else is facing. If you or someone you know is suffering from depression, crisis, or thoughts of suicide dial 988 or click the link https://988lifeline.org
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