God is a Faithful God

Life Snippets:

As stated in the last posts I've experienced depression, self-esteem issues, a small mental meltdown, and a lack of motivation. I also went through a period where I didn't want to pray. I wouldn't say I lost my faith or was angry with God, but I didn't really want to be His friend.

I grew up going to church and hearing that I shouldn't turn my back on God. I was supposed to ALWAYS trust Him. I was never supposed to question Him. But I had been through a lot and was going through even more. During the time I was with my children's father I remember going to Sunday school. I was so down. I needed help. I remember the teacher asking if anyone in the group ever got tired of praying. This was the moment I needed. I was raising my hand to say, "Yes, I get tired of praying!" Well before I could do that the teacher said, "No, we don't get tired of going to God because we KNOW without a doubt that He will bring us through." Everyone around me agreed with her. At that moment I thought something was wrong with me. Why was I the ONLY person that got tired of praying for the same thing and never getting an answer.

I went home and I had a conversation with God. I told Him I was tired. I was tired of praying. I was tired of going to church. I was tired of trying to be a nice person but kept getting stepped on. I told God that if HE wanted me to change HE was going to have to change me on HIS own! (🤣) I imagine God got a kick out of that. Furthermore I told Him that I was going to go for a ride on Satan's back. I mean it seemed like that's what everyone else was doing, and they were having a ball!!

I stopped going to church. I stopped praying. I stopped expecting to hear an answer as to why I was in this situation. I stopped expecting better. I started drinking a little. I stopped caring. I would snap at my kids for just doing little kid things. I was miserable, but praying hadn't gotten me anywhere so why not try being "badass". I can't believe I'm telling y'all this stuff (🤦).

Anyway, a friend of mine who knew a little about what I was going through, called me to listen to a song on the radio. I turned to the station. When I tell you the Spirit punched me immediately, it is not an exaggeration. The first words I heard were, "...my nights may seem long and I feel so alone..." I don't know what happened after that. I don't know how I got home. When I "came to" I was in my garage, face soaked in tears, and I was just thanking the Lord for HIS goodness and mercy toward me. I knew in that moment that the Lord had HIS hand on me! Regardless of how things looked I was going to make it through.

I was at a VERY low point and saw no way out. I was B R O K E...no money!!! Almost didn't have a place to live. It was the words of a song that encouraged me to put my trust in Jesus. I am so glad I didn't give up. I am sharing this little snippet of my life because we have all gone through something, are going through something, coming out of something, or we're about to go through something. If you are feeling lost, lonely, or just tired I am encouraging you to keep holding on to whatever/whoever gives you strength. Don't give up, keep walking on your water.