In the "About Us" section of this website I hinted that I didn't always have a lot of faith in myself. I will even admit that I didn't always have faith in the Lord. I went back and forth with the idea of starting a publishing company. I didn't believe I was qualified enough. I wondered if anyone would benefit from what I had to say. I would even think, and sometimes say, "It seems like everyone else's prayers are being answered, why aren't mine? Maybe I'm praying for the wrong thing. I just need to be patient and wait on God's perfect timing. If I don't have what I've prayed for, then it must not be what God wants for me."
I grew up hearing phrases such as, "Pray until something happens" and "All you need is faith the size of a mustard seed." In my mind, it was clear that I didn't have that tiny bit of faith. And I was getting tired of praying because things just weren't coming together for me. Here I was with this idea, yet I knew nothing about the field I was trying to get into. I didn't know anything about designing a logo. I knew a couple of people who could design them, but they were either charging more than I was able to pay, or they didn't get the vision I had in my mind. I knew nothing about creating a website. A friend of mine told me it was simple, but I wasn't getting it. I just gave up!
In hindsight it was more than just giving up. I was self-sabotaging. I had convinced myself I couldn't move forward. Yes, I'm a believer that prayer changes things. I also know God is no genie who says, "Poof, wish granted." This wasn't one of those times that I was in "God's waiting room". At this stage there was nothing I needed to pray about. I wasn't using the resources that were within my reach. Instead, I allowed fear of the "what-if's" to take over...what if no one responds, what if this fails, what if, what if, what if...
In my humanness I was still a little nervous, so I asked a few family members what they thought it meant to have faith. The responses varied a little. One person said it meant to, "Believe." But believe what? Another person gave a little more detail, "It means having a trust and belief in something you have never seen, heard, smelled, or tasted." Then there was the in-depth answer, "To know God will work it all out. Whatever it is. For our good. No matter what it looks like, sounds like, seems like-knowing He has our best interest and loves us and will take care of all."
They were all correct. Having faith was all of that. I had demonstrated just believing many times before: when I turned the ignition in my car, I believed my car would start. I have believed the grocery store would have food to purchase so I could feed my children. I have trusted and believe that I breathe in air that I can't see, hear, smell, or taste. And lastly, I have experienced some difficulties that I didn't think I would ever move past. Looking back to those times I absolutely see how God carried me through it all. And in the midst of going through "foolishness", I was being molded and strengthened. This was no different. I needed to believe that no matter the outcome, I wouldn't be a failure.
I stopped feeling sorry for myself, and I began speaking positive words. I posted sticky notes with scriptures and positive affirmations throughout my house. After boosting my self-confidence I started working towards what I wanted to do. I looked up how to create a logo. I researched web hosting sites. I wanted to know what a self-publisher does. I looked for companies that could print my t-shirts. I ordered samples. I began matching my faith with my works.
I probably took a little longer than I should have to finally introduce my website to the world, but I did it! Doing something new, something unknown can be very scary. But I told myself if I didn't give this a try, I would be failing. How would I know if "I Can Walk on Water Publishing" would succeed if I kept it all to myself? The answer is, I wouldn't.
So, here I am, walking on my water. I wanted to share this story because some of us get so nervous or anxious about starting something new. We sometimes talk ourselves out of not moving forward because it's unknown. Or, we look at other people's success stories and think, "It could never happen for me." Don't let fear or doubt stop you. Your "walk on water" moment may be trying a new hairstyle, or going out to eat alone. And for someone else it could be leaving a secure job to start a company. Whatever it looks like, I hope this will inspire you to, metaphorically, walk on your own water.
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